Have you ever felt the uncontrollable need to punch a bitch?
I don’t mean like “oh yeah that girl sucks I would totally punch her” I mean
the “who the fuck do you think you are – get the fuck back or else I’ll punch
you” punch a bitch feeling. I consider myself a pretty non-violent, more
verbally abusive type of girl but I can stand my own ground. And that girl in
the white tee in the attic of the frat house didn’t even suspect a thing.
So let me set the scene: sophomore year, over-crowded,
overly slutty, welcome week highlighter party (because it is all the rage to
have strangers write inappropriate phrases on your shirt) – bitch I love my
white tees, don’t fuck up my white tee. And I find myself having to pee for
like the 400 time. My trusty Chi Phi companions Amanda and Michelle and I
decide to pee in the attic bathroom because there’s never a line and always
toilet paper (a novelty bathroom if you will).
As we run up the stairs there is a girl standing at the top
of the stairs acting like she owns the place in a black shirt if you will: I
mean I’m not the biggest highlighter party fan but I’m not fucking emo either –
get with it. She looks at us and says “You can’t be up here you have to go back
downstairs”. I try to politely explain I am here for lavatorial usage only. She
doesn’t seem to be complying so we bumrush the bathroom and lock the door on
her. Yeah she wasn’t too happy.
When we come out of the bathroom she is standing there,
hands on her hips and tapping her foot like she is the principal of this frat
house. “You girls can’t be up here!!! I told you that! Go down stairs now!” So
as the deviants we are, we run into the room in the attic that is basically the
pledge hook up room. So we are chilling in the room for awhile (other stories
about cock blocking an asian and peeing in a garbage can to come), I realized I
had to go to the bathroom AGAIN. We have been in this room for a pretty long
time though so I’m assuming Principal Black Shirt Bitch will be gone.
I open the door and BAM there is she. She GRABS my arm and says
“I already told you girls you couldn’t be up here!!! “ And let me tell you –
yell at me all you want, I can take it don’t worry but when you physically
abuse me and I don’t even KNOW you – woooof bad day. So I just stop and look at
the Black Shirt Bitch and say “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!” and decked her.
Following that I obviously screamed “RUN!!!!” and me and my
little crew of bathroom deviants fled the scene. Only to later find out that
Principal Black Shirt Bitch was on standards board. But all I have to say is
corporal punishment is not okay to reprimand children in anyways Principal
Black Shirt Bitch and I’ve never wanted to punch someone more in my life than
at that moment (it could’ve been the vodka and my urge to pee but still) and it
felt great.
